


home: wherever i'm with you

by quiettewandering



Series: Passing Ships 'verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, castiel and dean are in love and there's nothing anyone can do about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 13:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18074192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiettewandering/pseuds/quiettewandering
Summary: After Dean and Cas' marriage, there's a certain line of questioning that makes Cas anxious.





	home: wherever i'm with you

**Author's Note:**

> *rises from the ashes* I'M BAAAAACK 
> 
> <3 love you all, welcome back to dean and cas' anti-soulmate adventure. just a little thing that popped in my head.

It starts happening about a year into their marriage.

At first, people were (politely) hyper-fixated on the fact that Dean and Cas weren’t soulmates. That snagged their attention more than anything else—“Oh, so you’re being progressive and rejecting the soulmate idea? Good for you.”—and despite being annoying the three-hundredth time Dean and Cas were asked about it, they learned to just laugh it off and provide their quick explanation for it, scripted down to the letter from how many times they had to repeat it.

But then, that curiosity wore off, which left questions about _kids_.

The first time to the question is asked is at the small book signing at Mary’s bookstore. Cas had worked his ass off all week to make sure the small space was accommodating to an audience of twenty and a small deli spread afterwards. Dean would know—he barely saw his husband or mom in the week leading up to it (which of course, he never complained about, because being co-owner of the bookstore with Mary was quickly becoming one of Cas’ passions).

Dean was standing by the drinks, getting lost as usual in staring at Cas across the room, at his wayward-buttoned collared shirt and mussed hair as he talked to the guest author. His reverie was interrupted by an older couple that used to live next to Dean, when he was growing up.

“It’s just so lovely that you’ve gotten yourself married,” Kate—or was it Nancy?—gushed, gesticulating a wrinkled hand toward Cas across the room. “And he’s such a nice man. Richard and I just met him.”

“Yeah, he’s really something,” Dean says with a grin. He practically rocks back and forth on his heels with pride.

“So, when you two thinking of having some kids?” Richard asks.

Dean freezes. “What?”

Kate-Nancy laughs. “We were just asking your husband that same question—he had the same reaction!”

“Uh, we…” Cas is suddenly looking over at Dean; their eyes meet. Cas may not be an angel anymore, but he still possesses this freaky sixth sense when he’s being talked about. Dean licks his lips. “We’ve discussed it,” he says neutrally.

“Ah-ha, that’s what he said too!” Richard proclaims, wagging a finger. “You two are peas in the pod.”

“In _a_ pod, dear,” Kate-Nancy corrects. “Poor dear, native language is Polish. Still not getting American colloquialisms down even after 83 years!”

“Uh-huh,” Dean says distractedly. He takes a long swing of beer and lets the conversation steer elsewhere.

The second time it comes up is at a more casual setting: hanging out with Dean’s coworkers at a bar on the last day of spring semester. Anna even decided to come, which Cas expressed his quiet joy over by bringing her some books to borrow. He didn’t see her much, since she took over Naomi’s position in Heaven.

Dean is squished between Charlie and the new Biology teacher, Jo. They just finished a toast when Jo asks, cheeks tinged from her fourth Sidecar, “So, Dean, when are you and that _adorable_ husband of yours gonna have some kids?”

Although caught in a conversation with Anna, Cas stops and turns his head to look at Dean across the table, his sad eyes meeting Dean's.

“Uh,” Dean begins, intelligently.

“They’re gonna have kids when they _want to_ ,” Charlie yells above the pulsating dance music in the bar. “And they’re gonna be _beautiful_ because it’ll be a half of each of their perfect genes!”

“You know we can’t have kids biologically, right?” Dean mutters, taking a swig of whiskey.

“I’m not _that_ drunk, Dean," Charlie snaps. "There have been advances in the science of genetics. Hell, I’d be your surrogate if you wanted.”

“Awww!” Jo screams, leaning over the both of them, her drink sloshing in Dean’s lap.

“Guys, drop it, okay?” Dean sighs. “That’s me and Cas’ business.” He looks at Cas again, awkwardly, but Cas is already scooting past Anna, standing to leave. Anna gives Dean a Look.

The third time is, of course, the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Because it’s John that asks the third time, and worst of all, he’s not even trying to be a dick about it (which, to Dean, is a first).

Things not exactly being repaired completely with him, Dean and Cas only have John over for dinner about once a month. John has sobered up, has done the AA meetings shtick—he just recently completed the step of apologizing to the people he’s wronged, Dean included—and for once in his life, Dean isn’t jolting awake in the middle of the night with anxiety toward John’s situation. So he expects this to be a calm dinner.

But then John asks, innocently, and non-intrusively, if they’ve thought about having kids anytime soon, and before Dean can say ‘pass the butter’, Cas—Dean’s cool-headed, logical, and level-tempered Cas—is on his feet and slamming his palms down on the table. The plates and glasses shake.

“We don’t _know_ that yet,” he says, jaw clenched. “We’ve discussed it, but we don’t _know._ Whose business is it that we have kids, but our own? I don’t understand why humans have to ask all these stupid damn questions!” And he spins on his heel, leaving John and Dean with jaws unhinged.

“I… should probably talk to him,” Dean ventures, putting his napkin on the table.

“Did I say something wrong?” John asks. He looks like he needs a drink.

“No, Dad, it’s just… a touchy topic.” Dean reaches over the table as he stands, patting John’s forearm. “Seriously, it’s not you. I’ll go calm him down.”

Dean finds Cas where he usually does—on the back porch, perched on the deck’s railing, staring up at the stars. Dean’s made the inane comment before that Cas must like it back here because he can look up at Heaven—to which Cas of course responded, coolly, that Heaven is on a different plane of reality, not simply ‘up’.

Nevertheless, Dean suspects Cas likes to think he’s looking up at his old home anyway, when he sits out here in the cool night air.

Clearing his throat to announce his arrival, Dean walks until he’s behind Cas. “Hey, uh… wanna explain what the hell that was back there?”

Cas doesn’t turn. “I’d rather not.”

“O-kay.” Dean fidgets with his hands. “I know we’ve talked about kids before. And we haven’t landed on anything. But don’t feel pressure, okay, Cas? It’s just humans makin’ small talk. You don’t—”

“I’ve already had a child, and I lost her,” Cas snaps. He still doesn’t look at Dean, just sits cross-legged on the porch railing, head tilted toward the sky. “She wasn’t my biological child, but she felt like _mine_. Especially since she was a foster child and never truly had parents. And now she doesn’t know me from a stranger.”

Dean presses a hand on Cas’ back; feels the tightness of his muscles. “Cas… I didn’t even think about that.”

“I know we’ve discussed children,” Cas continues, voice soft. “I know you want them. And nothing—” Dean can hear his breath hitch. “Nothing would make me happier than to give them to you. But I don’t know if…”

“You don’t know if you could lose one again,” Dean finishes. He sees Cas nod.

He lets the silence seep between them; lets the cicadas fill the space. Taking Cas’ arm, he turns him around. Cas relents and swings his legs over the porch railing, legs dangling, facing Dean.

Dean frames Cas’ face with his palms. “I know you miss her,” he says. Those gorgeous blue eyes still won’t look at him; Dean’s not discouraged. “I know how painful that was for you. And trust me when I say we _will_ find a way to get her memories back. You know how hard Anna is working to figure out what Naomi did with them.”

“They could be destroyed,” Cas whispers. “There’s no guarantee that—”

“Cas.” Dean firmly plants a kiss on his lips to shush the usual tirade of self-defeatist talk Cas usually spewed. “There was no guarantee that we’d find each other and fall in love, defying expectations and social convention, right? And we did that, didn’t we?”

Cas shrugs. “That’s true.”

“What’s important is if you want kids or not. And if you don’t, then we won’t have them.”

Finally raising his eyes, Cas gapes at Dean. “No, Dean. You can’t say that. All you’ve talked about for the past three years is having children.”

“Of having a _family_ ,” Dean corrects. “If that means we get twenty stray cats you keep picking up off the street, fine. If that means I become some hot-shot professor someday with a bunch of graduate students treating our house like a second home, fine. If it’s just you and me, even better.”

Cas shakes his head. “Dean…”

Dean captures his lips into a kiss again. He rubs his thumbs gently against Cas’ cheekbones, resting his forehead against Cas’. “I mean it when I say that I love you, and I will take literally anything you have to offer,” Dean says, “because that’s enough, Cas. You’re enough. I mean it.”

Clutching Dean’s shirt, Cas confesses, softly, “But I do want children, Dean. I want children with you.”

“Then we’ll do that too.” His thumb travels up Cas’ face, carefully rubbing some moisture that’s gathered at the corner of Cas’ eye. “If it makes you happy, angel.”

“You’re too good to me,” Cas says, hushed.

“Not good enough,” Dean scoffs.

“Impossible.”

They stay like that, for a few moments—Cas sitting on the railing, legs bracketing Dean in front of him. Dean can hear the sound of Cas’ windchimes taking flight on the warm wind.

“We could adopt,” Cas says.

Dean leans back. Grins. “Yeah?”

Wiping his cheek with the back of his hand, Cas mirrors his smile in his soft, shy way. “Yeah. Give a child a home who needs it. Like Claire.”

“If I’m being totally honest, Cas?” Dean kisses Cas’ forehead, then his cheeks on either side, because it always gets Cas to nuzzle his head against Dean’s and give him that shy grin. “That sounds absolutely perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> guys i've missed this verse so much. I have a sequel in the works! so subscribed to this series if you want to be updated on that. 
> 
> i feel like this version of dean and cas are my little babies and i just wanna keep them safe and keep writing them forever. that's normal, right??
> 
> comments and feedback are always appreciated<3


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